my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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