Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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