I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
