I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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