I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
