New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
