i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
