Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can text with my tongue
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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