i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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