So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
