How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
