why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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