I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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