i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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