he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
