Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
