Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
