you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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