So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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