there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
