Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
