sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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