I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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