u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Holy shit dude........stairs
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