The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
