Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
