ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
