Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
