wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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