I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
