i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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