i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
