trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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