just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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