Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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