i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So squirting runs in the family.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
