I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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