I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
