drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
