he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You made out with two different species that night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
