1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
