Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this boner is exhausting
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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