All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
