Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
