I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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