New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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