Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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