toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's never too late to be topless.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
