I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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