I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
