fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
