Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
