i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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